My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
