I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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