So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
