Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
