end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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