Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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