I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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