We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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