thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
