I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
