theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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