Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
