I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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