literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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