My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
