I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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