She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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