That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
