so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
