Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
