I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
