Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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