Umm I'm too high to move.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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