You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
