; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
