I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
