No I am not eating basil off your cock
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
