she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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