It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
