I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
