I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
