Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
