get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
