It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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