You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
