So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is wine microwaveable?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
