can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
