Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize