Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
