Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
