Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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