On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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