So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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