so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
