I wish I only lived at night.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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