We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
