4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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