I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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