in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
