i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
