Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
