i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
