WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
