he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
