I'm gonna have a badass scar
...so i touched it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
