i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
