WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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