my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
