His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We need to get me chipped asap
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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