Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
