I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
