It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
