im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
