five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
FUCK WHALES
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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