i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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