covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
