white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
