Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
