Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
