You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
